![]() ![]() –By the way, escaping the space ship on those cables is easily the worst idea any character has ever made in a major Hollywood film, and that includes all three previous Transformers movies. ![]() But then, he is perfectly OK following Cade onto the cables attached to the building that's 1,500 feet above the ground to escape the space ship. He drives like a maniac through Anytown, USA, and does some kind of insane jump that's probably not humanly possible but is too much of a pussy to fight the robot sentries on the space ship. –The boyfriend can't decide whether he's brave or not. –"You have a conscience you're an inventor like me." What? Since when do inventors have a conscience? Has he not seen Saw? What about atomic bombs? Person who turns him and his human accomplices in gets a million dollars." I WOULD DO THAT. –Even without using tech, how hard would it be to just put a million-dollar bounty on Optimus's head? Just say, "Optimus Prime went crazy and made a human being drive through a community center full of elderly people and also burned T. –Why is the boyfriend willing to drive through that bustling community center? That could've killed so many people. –"My face is my warrant": What does that mean? How did this line make it all the way from a brain to a script to an actor to a movie screen to my brain? Why did nobody step in at some point along the way and point out that that doesn't really mean anything? –Did Cade invent Paulie's robot from Rocky IV? –Do Transformers weigh more when they're in robot form? Their weight cracks the surface of the road when they're walking on it, but not when they're driving on it. –Does this film exist in a universe where all Asian people know martial arts? –What was with the samurai Transformer? Did he accomplish anything or have any relevance to the plot at all? –Why do I have the sudden urge to buy a pair of Oakleys? –Is that scene in the movie theater taking a shot at all movies that aren't sequels or remakes? Fuck you, Michael Bay. –Does this film take place in an alternate universe where all women are hot and wear cocktail dresses at all times? –Why is it sunset in the shots of the CIA driving to the farm but daylight at the actual farm? –Did Cade Yaeger maybe run out of money because he spent everything he had on American flags? Seriously, he has a flag in every room of his house. –If you're stealing electricity from your neighbors, do you really need to have that giant neon sign and all them robots switched on, you fucking dick? ![]() –Why did the government agree to end the Autobot alliance? Did the Autobots not save the world in the last movie? Also, in the other two movies as well? What I'm saying is, the Autobots have a pretty strong track record of saving the world so far. –Why is that Jeep full of 30-year-olds talking about school? Are they meant to be in high school? Jesus. –Why do I have the sudden urge to buy a Bud Light? Also, he looks like Skinny Seth Rogen if you squint. –What the fuck is the boyfriend's accent? They say he's supposed to be Irish, but he sounds like an Australian with no tongue. –Who thought up the name "Cade Yaeger"? It sounds like a cool name I would've invented for myself while squinting into the mirror as a 13-year-old. ![]()
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